....but (oh boy) some of us are looking at the stars!!! (That's a bastardisation of an Oscar Wilde quote - one of my heroes - in case you'd not worked it out.) Even if they are artificial stars.

Despite expecting today to be the day from hell, with a 5am start, a round-trip to Frankfurt and then the same faceless hotel as yesterday, I can honestly say I am uplifted. I am so thrilled and excited I find it hard to contain my joy. This is despite my ongoing difficulties on the work front and is really a triumph of the most fundamental kind.

Yesterday, while preparing for an event to be held in a few weeks' time, I looked at the website for an ad agency. I really don't know what made me do it but I clicked on the "people" icon and had the biggest thrill I can describe. I saw the face of an angel - no kidding - there she was, looking out at me as though the last ten years had not happened.

I saw someone from my past. The most beautiful (inside and out), gifted, talented woman I think I have ever come across. She was there, alive and looking just the same. My heart leaped. My spirits soared. My world was made better in an instant.

I wasted no time in figuring out what her email address would be and emailed her. Quite definitely not one of the pieces of prose I'm most proud of but forgive me that in my excitement I just "shot from the hip".

Then I worried. What if she was so disappointed in me for not contacting her before? What if she thought the invitation I'd sent her was purely sycophantic? What if she felt I'd let her down? What if she simply no longer cared who I was? What if.....?

So, when I didn't hear my heart was sinking. I thought "tick any of the above" - it doesn't matter which, I am a lowlife who doesn't deserve her love and friendship even though I spend a lot of time thinking about her and wishing I was less something (of a coward)....or more something (a good friend) or even not something at all (me).

Tonight, after being up at a very nasty hour, going to Frankfurt, which in itself was quite an unexpected pleasure (my ex-colleague who is now my client is a true gent of the very best kind) getting back and knowing I'll spend the night that tantalising, depressing 250 miles from home then picking up an email from her.....well, I have a grin the size of a crescent moon. I am truly overjoyed at hearing from her.

To be honest, this woman is "ten of me" - whereas I have plodded to my not-very-dizzy-heights of my career, she has excelled as I had always expected she would. Yet despite "what she is", it's "who she is" that brings joy to my heart. Simply a real woman in a surreal world but a real woman with every quality that you could ever aspire to - there is not an ounce of malice in her and her email to me was as refreshing as discovering the elixir of youth.

She sent me precious love in the email, which I am thrilled to receive and reciprocate. I am so happy at her zest for life.

I look at the stars tonight and even though these are "false stars", make no mistake, there is nothing false about her.

:-))))))

Flesh and blood? Feelings? Yes, I am alive and I feel joy.

Last year, I almost don't bloody care in the light of today's events but in fact it was good....