It has to be said, I’m something of a pervert – well, if you define a pervert as someone who turns away from what is right or proper – that’s the dictionary.com definition and I like it and think it freely applies to me.

I don’t want to be ‘courted’ with exotic things, whether jewellery, holidays or whatever. I want to be courted by being given presents such as this fabulous incinerator that DM bought for me this afternoon in the dreaded Trago Mills. I’d been mithering on about wanting one and so he did a detour on the way back from the dump and bought me one as a gift. What a cracker that man is – he bought me something I really wanted (and I’d say needed too). Beautiful.

As a complete aside, this cock marched up behind us in the Trago Mills car park (if you're ever in Cornwall, you HAVE to experience Trago) and crowed his little head off......we think it's an omen for tomorrow - COYS - the cockerel has crowed!

It may not have been the most expensive gift in the world - indeed, I’m sure he won’t mind me sharing with you the phenomenal cost of £12.95 that this item of beauty and character cost him.

My folks will, I’m sure, be rolling around laughing at this because I am legendary in my family for my response to the questions ‘what do you want for your birthday?’ and ‘what do you want for Christmas?’. They have always thought me perverse in as much as my response is usually ‘a hosepipe’ or ‘a wheelbarrow’ or ‘a garden fork’ or ‘a jigsaw’ or ‘a drill’ or whatever. I like to be bought stuff I can use.

Anyway, this incinerator is a truly fabulous bit of kit. As I’ve already said, the previous owner of our house – now known to us in the same way as she was known to the village – Mad Maureen, left the place chock full of shit. Nasty noxious rubbish that we’ve been gradually trying to sort and clear. There is, amongst the really nasty stuff, a huge amount of garden waste that’s just been piled up and left behind trees or under bushes. So, the incinerator has been put to use today burning a big pile of rubbish and when it was good and hot, I added a delightful cocktail of nettles, brambles and other pernicious weeds. Hurrah – the beastie has been munching through all of this stuff like a hot knife through butter as they say.

I am in heaven. One of the corners of the garden that was full of junk is now clear and I have been in my element as a pyromaniac.

Somewhat hilariously, Archie has taken ‘agin’ us for this – why? Because we’ve been burning sticks that he thinks should be his to whittle. We’ve had to let him cart off a few and lie in the grass a few feet away watching proceedings while whittling away and generally making a mess.

I’m happy. I’ve had a day of hard work (but as a Saturday’s child I know of no other way) but it’s not been drudge today, it’s been positive work for our benefit. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed it and I’ve been able to indulge myself with some firestarting – he he he he he he he he he he he……..

Last year? Well, this Saturday's Child was also working my butt off....but this time, painting!