294.
Being forced to take powerful anti-inflammatories and painkillers, such as valium and codeine, I find myself unable to do much work. Between the pain and drowsiness, I seem to have entered a twilight zone inhabited by strange blue creatures that have an unfathomable love of attaching things to other things. These blutakbeasts, as I have come to call them, are afraid of physical contact with one another, because they tend to meld together and separating them is a very, very messy business. Over the past couple of days I have got to know and like these little critters. Once they found out that I am a historian, they seemed eager to tell me all about their past. Today I was regaled with tales of blutakbeast heroism and bravery during the days of Ancient Grease. It was for them a difficult time, because grease is deadly to them, stripping them of all of their adhesive strength. Their greatest hero of these ancient days was a formidable warrior called Stickilles, whose greatest fame was gained during the Prittstik Wars fighting for King Aroldite at the Seige of Gloy, a fortified city on the shores of the Bostik Sea. Unfortunately, although the forces of adhesion won the battle, Stickilles died after slipping on a sheet of greaseproof paper. This is just getting silly now.

Choose life ya raz