Don’t you just hate it when you are trying to do a job and you realise that the screwdriver you’ve got in your hand won’t do the job because it’s a slot head rather than a cross head or even if you happen to have a cross head in your hand it’s a pozidrive rather than what you need? It happens to me all of the time.

That’s why, when I unwrapped one of my “stocking fillers” on Christmas morning from DM to find this terrific gadget that’s every screwdriver you’re ever likely to need in one bit of kit, I was really chuffed. (Well, unless you’re doing electrical stuff when the heads are all too big but that’s another story.)

Anyway, I thought it’d be a good one to illustrate my story today. I need to fix something up (apart from my own head, which needs rewiring, hence the need for a small screwdriver, anything bigger won’t fit in my ear). I seem to have upset a few folks with yesterday’s pic, if the number of emails and phone calls I got is anything to go by. I’m really sorry.

As is my woefully inadequate way of late, I have not responded to emails or messages because I am still finding it hard to find words for “real people” if you see what I mean.

I said yesterday that I have struggled to come to terms with the diagnosis of depression but it’s more than that. I do feel ashamed when many of my friends have “real” problems, not just battles going on in their own head and if I find that hard to accept in myself then I’m very certain there will be a big cohort of people looking in who feel the same. I labour each day over the guilt of being ill in a way that it’s almost impossible to see unless you’re DM who sees me go brittle when I’m on my way down.

One thing I have come to terms with better than the overall situation is the fact that I, like this little multi-functioning tool, have spent my entire adult life trying to be all things to all people and I now realise that I can’t do that. In the same way that this multi-functional screwdriver can’t fix electrics or my brain, I can’t keep trying to please everyone I come into contact with. I have to stop.

Today a year ago, I shot one of my most successful pics of last year.