OK – this is just about the oddest thing….

I only started this because I was fed-up with DM’s PaD not really saying anything other than ‘that’s a beautiful picture’. I felt that the photo was only part of the story and the rest of it was the relationship between the photo and the photographer. I decided to do PaD as just that – a photo that says something about me. A photo that’s part of a bigger, (hopefully) more complex thing.

It never occurred to me for one moment that either of us would still be doing it three years later. Gradually though, the possibility of him stopping seemed like an alien concept. It seemed to be part of his psyche. I know his gallery has inspired me almost every day.

Now what happens?

Well, I have no idea – when we were doing this together, it didn’t matter that I spent an hour a day doing it….because he was too. Will he lose patience with me now it’s me doing it and not him? I can’t say. I do spend many hours anguishing over whether or not he’ll think my pic is too cack to post and striving to post something that he’ll like. When I do achieve a ‘that’s a great shot’ from him, I know it’s REALLY good because he doesn’t suffer fools gladly or indeed cack photographers and he NEVER praises something he doesn’t think is up to much. He’s even told me off for taking shots that he thinks are too poor for my galleries on occasions.

Now what do I do?

I should just stop too but somehow I’m not ready. He said to me yesterday – ‘come on, tell me, are you going to do 1180 days then stop’? How could I possibly do that to him. It wouldn’t be right. I either have to keep going for much longer or stop before 1179 and right now I have no idea which of those things I will do.

There have been occasions when he’s been really crabby about helping me with shots although, interestingly, we had so much fun doing my latest Bill Brandt take off that I realised when we got the shot I wanted that we’d giggled through the whole process and not had a single cross word.

It’s weird. I’m all of a dither. I suppose I have a few days yet to make up my mind – after all, I’m only on 1112 days myself so I’ve got another 67 days before I have to decide.

Whatever happens I feel so strange that it’s making me feel a bit queasy.

Today’s photo is a sort of a gentle ribbing of my ‘sex god’ in as much as I think it’s very much in his stylee……but perhaps I’m just kidding myself on if I think I can get anywhere near his standard.

He says he’s not even going to touch a camera today so I have to make do with this shot of a real ‘hot potato’, oven gloves and all!!!!!

Last year, I was warm, rested and happy - cool!