Nature can be a cruel mistress or a joyful friend. This poor, spent poppy was in its full glory only two days ago, when I was gardening and taking a few pics on Friday morning, while we were waiting for Mark to recover from his day out on Thursday with Chris.

I’ve had more time to spend outside today (dodging the rain) and have spent a pleasant afternoon, no longer having to worry about entertaining, cooking or tour-guiding, after ten days of needing to think about such things. Finally, the plants my Mum brought round for me a couple of weeks ago are all in their tubs and pots and all that remains for me to do is water them and enjoy their colour and scent.

It’s back to the grindstone for me tomorrow. I don’t know if I’m alone in that dry-mouthed fear of going back to work after a holiday but it happens every time I’ve been off. It’s a gradual build-up from starting to feel as though the holiday is more over than to come. By the end of the holiday, my trembling hands return, my chest pains are back and I can’t sleep for worrying about what awaits me.

It was exactly the same when I was at school – I can remember these fears and ‘symptoms’ ever since I started school. I’m sure that when my Mum reads this later she will remember the night before a new term really well. Me creeping back downstairs late at night crying about having to go back.

Funnily enough, many people send me messages on pbase saying that reading my diary helps them to realise their life:work balance struggle isn’t just them. They say that by seeing my hopes and fears displayed here they realise they are not alone and that others (well me anyway) go through it too. Perhaps someone would return the favour and let me know if this stuff is just me or if it’s something that happens to everyone.

I keep coming back to one thought – I am a sentient human being, not a machine, yet tomorrow morning, my feelings have to go on hold during the day and I become a machine, churning out work as though a factory production line. I have to switch off ‘me’, switch on ‘Linda Alstead, Commercial Director’ and breathe that life instead of the one that’s inside my heart. This is how nature has been brutal to me – it’s made me too soft inside.

Two years ago today I was offered 'the job of a lifetime' ........and decided to turn it down. Last year, I was working on compositions after being inspired by a new photography book we'd just bought.