OK – if anyone had told me back in 2001 when my little sister bought a brand new vomit-green Renault Scenic that one day I’d own said car and be thrilled to bits with it, I’d have said “no way – never in a million years”. That was, of course, back in the days of a stupidly big salary and a nearly brand new car in my own drive.
Since then my life has changed beyond recognition in every way. No more big salary, no more nearly new car in my own drive, in fact, in 2010 I managed to crash the Vectra-mobile that I bought new in 1999 in the snow and it got written off. So we had to panic buy a car to get around in as we had nothing else. It was a Rover and turned out to be a complete dog!
At some point during the short and sorry time we were being bitten by the Rover, DM got a job that meant we needed two cars and while we were deliberating how to magic up the funds to buy another car, we had a lucky break. I was out with my sister and she was moaning about having to get rid of the Scenic, how it was the best car she’d ever owned, reliable etc, how it was worth nothing because her “idiot husband” (her words, not mine) had reversed into a post and dented the back. Anyway, to cut a long story short, for the meagre sum of £500 I became the new owner of what became known in our house as “the snot bucket”.
I never thought I’d say this (and perhaps my views are coloured by the vicious dog of a Rover) but I now have a grudging respect, even liking for the snot bucket. I like the high driving position – I can see over hedgerows and look down on the occupants of “normal” cars. I like its versatility. You couldn’t have imagined a car that can be turned into a van in a few minutes a few years back but the Scenic does it with ease – great for taking crap to the dump, which I seem to spend an inordinate amount of time doing. The only two things that I can find to complain about are its complete gutlessness (even though it’s a top of the range 1.8l car) and the strange heating system. Obviously I’d have preferred almost any colour other than snot green but there you go, beggars can’t be choosers. Obviously I'd also have preferred a car that you can buy a bespoke dog guard for too as the after market ones are all, without exception, crap. OK - so that's four things....
I bought some stickers to put on the car because I thought it’d hide the green a bit and DM got really hoity-toity about them and said that he wouldn't be able to drive the car to work with the stickers on. (He used to work in a school for kids that had been expelled from everywhere else so it was a tough environment and he thought he wouldn’t be respected.) Now though, he works in a primary school with a load of little people who have not yet had their cynic chips activated so I persuaded him that he’d be safe – after all, I usually drive it and he only uses it when there is something strange going on…
So, here is one of the patches of jollity on the car. I am thrilled to bits with the new look. As for DM? When we went out a couple of weeks ago and it was pounding down with rain, I said “which car?” and he replied “let’s go in the sunshine bus”. (OK – mainly because it’s fitted with winter tyres but even so.) So, the snot bucket, bought in desperation, has become the sunshine bus that makes me smile every time I look at it.
The only trouble is that there ain’t no sunshine……….in fact, there's nothing but rain
