You may remember me wittering on a few days ago about my scissors disappearing at an alarming rate of knots and just who the culprit of this fiendish deed is? Well, in case you didn’t see it, here’s a synopsis of the plot. I buy/acquire/otherwise procure a pair of scissors for my kitchen utensils pot. I use them for a few days then just when I need to open that packet of rice or whatever, they’ve gone. Vanished. Kaput.

I go out and buy a new pair and in the course of time, the same fate befalls them. Sometime later, I find the first pair being used by DM for some boy’s purpose. Chopping up film, wrapping up ebay sales items etc.

Last week I threatened to call in the fuzz and so now I have. Five pairs of scissors captured and in custody. My custody. I have the only key and these babies are not going to escape me……at least for a while.

DM has seen to it that every pair is disgusting – covered in sticky manky stuff, rust, dust, soil and other grot. Hmmmmmmm. I think they’ll all have to go in the Bosch (dishwasher) then get some WD40 squirted into their privates.

Of course what happens after I’ve cleaned them up, liberated them and made them good is that I’ll need to use a pair so I’ll unlock the ‘cuffs and then they’ll all mysteriously disappear again, pair after pair, one by one until there are none left.

Perhaps it’d just be easier and quicker for me to rip open the rice bag with my teeth?