Remnants

Is this a blog?
I have wondered that lately, because that is how I use it.
For the past 6 months I have been showing things I have seen.
I have been exposing myself in words and pictures.
I have been using this to help me recover from this "divorce" thing.
It is all in here. Even the times I went too far.
Well, not really. The roadkill squirrel never made it.
In fact, looking back, quite a few never made it.
As I would look at the photo and think about the words
that I would write for that photo, I would sometimes
be going too far. Too much anger, too much sadness.
Sometimes they would just be too exposed.
Like this one for instance.
I took this after I finished feeding Sam Sam this morning.
I was going to call it "Drunken Pizza Binge".
Samuel came for a visit, and then the Captain showed up.
I don't think either of them were in a good mood
because they were not helpful at all.
In fact, I think they just added to my sorrow (bastards).

I have felt like this before. Many times over the last 6 months.
Just pained and hurt inside. Udderly alone (oh, pardon the cow humor).
However, this time is different.
When I was in this place before, I was thinking this is all there was.
This was going to be my life until I died. Just lost in the darkness.
However, this time I know it will pass.
It does not make me feel any better in the short run,
but I know it will disapate and be replaced with joy.
I can't rush it. I can't force it. It will just happen.
I do wish it was still with me.
I do wish I felt like I did last week, but I don't.
I will again, just not right now.
A wise man told me something that is very true.
He said "Some days just suck".
Well I would say that is true.
I would add that sometimes those sucky days get strung together.
That is what is going on right now.
I'm just a mess since signing the papers.
It just caught me off guard.
I thought I was ready, and poof,
all my bravado just slipped away.
In the 3 days before signing, I already knew I was not doing well.
The peace was slipping away. Little bit by little bit.
When it returns, it will probably come back the same way.
Bit by bit, just like last time.
In fact, maybe I feel a little bit better just writing this.
Hey, I do feel a little better.
It is amazing how cathartic this can be.
I think it, and I write it, and it leaves me.
I cast it out into the world.
I expose my pain for the whole world to see
and the whole world looks back at me.
Well here I am. I am just a man.
My wife left me 6 months ago.
I have had good days, and I have had bad days.
I have had joy, and I have had sorrow.
I can't predict which I will get on any given day.
You know what, I think I will call this LIFE!

Oh, and don't worry, the Captain is no longer welcome here.
All he did was mess up the attic.
Although Girly liked his visit because aparantly
he likes to distribute WAY too many cat treats!