My grip on my ‘grand plan’ is weakening every day.

I’m trying so hard to hold on but it’s getting harder and harder as I get more and more tired and my hands hurt so badly from the effort of trying to stop myself from falling into that abyss that’s waiting to welcome me to eternal damnation.

Can I make it back? I just don’t know at the moment. All I do know is that I feel sick and numb from tiredness.

For the first time today I nearly didn’t make it home. I came so close to not being able to put one foot in front of another that I nearly chose to book myself into an hotel rather than come home to my special place and the people I love. I can’t believe I’ve come to this – I’ve never felt like this about coming home since I’d do almost anything rather than go home to my ex-husband and my sham of a marriage.

I made it though and will sleep in my own bed tonight. Roll on Christmas. Let's hope it comes before I lose my grip on my dream and my grand plan falls away from me.

For the second time in a week last year, I was mourning the death of a hero and the year before I was rescuing a minute thing!.