Today has been punctuated by bouts of deep sadness. We had to get up early to go to London to make sure Lara got on her train back to Paris and her brother. It was all a bit of a rush this morning when the alarm went off at 7.30am, luckily I had my G3 still in my handbag from yesterday.

I feel as though I let Lara down this weekend because I failed to show her the same generosity of spirit that she showed to us last March. My heart wasn’t in having the time of my life when I was worrying about my Nan, my Mum and all of the family who are still in shock from the events of last week. I cried all over her more than once. Today she ‘got me back’ because as we embraced when we said goodbye, I could feel her crying. She is one amazingly lovely woman. There is no doubt about it. Love you Lara – see you in a few weeks time. Bon Voyage my friend.

After we left the station, we had a wander along the South Bank, then drove on to my folks house to ‘wave off’ my Nan who was being picked up by my cousin to go back to Kent. She is going to live with one of my Mum’s other siblings in the village where she spent the first seventy years of her life. When I walked into the kitchen of my folks’ home, I was greeted by the most gut-wrenchingly sad scene I have ever seen. My Nan, sat hunched in a chair and looking like a different woman from the one who I’d seen less than a week before when she came to visit me with my Mum and Dad. She looked tiny, frail and utterly, utterly defeated. Her eyes were red from crying and she was hunched over the table.

My sister was sat holding her hand and telling her that we all love her but she just kept on crying as though there is no tomorrow.

When my cousin had gathered up my Nan’s stuff, we all went out to wave her off to a new life that will hopefully rekindle my Nan’s will to live. As we turned back towards the house, my Mum broke down. She’d been bottling it all up so as not to show it in front of Nan. Once Nan had gone, it all came flooding out. I doubt I have ever felt so helpless or so miserable in my life.

The whole family is pulling together to make amends to my Nan – many people will have seen the comments from my aunts and cousins on Friday’s posting. I still feel totally baffled as to how to un-break the heart of an old lady. I still can’t believe that is what we now have to do.

Then, on again, this time to the relative calm and happiness of David’s folks home, where we stopped off with flowers and for a chat after his Mum had just come home from hospital. So the next stop in my world tour of crying was their house as I tried to explain what has been going on in our world. I feel as though every person I speak to I cry on at the moment.

It’s been a long day. I’m tired. Night night all.

Last year we were enjoying some sunshine through our window!