Today would have been my Mom's 81 birthday. Everyone deals with grief in their own way -
for me, I have been writing an essay on the notion of the "good death." This is the final paragraph.
Not sure what I am going to do with this essay.

So, Is there a good death?

if they are no longer in pain; they are free of a body that trapped their spirit; and everyone had a chance to say , “Good bye, I love you, and thank you”. Is this a “good death”? I do believe that we as health care providers can result in a bad death. There are all degrees of how intolerable the dying process can be. One that families years later will feel distress and sorrow over what happened to their love one while dying. How through lack of appropriate medical care – that families memories of dying become akin to post traumatic stress syndrome. Things can go so wrong. The absence of burdensome symptoms, the opportunity for closure, and the chance to say good bye are examples when things “go right.” Is this a good death? From the view point of a daughter and not as a physician scientist, I believe that this period of loss, sorrow, and grief is difficult to label good. To me, tolerable is a better word. Through appropriate use of medications and support of hospice -- My Mom’s dying was tolerable. The quality of care was excellent, but as a daughter it was not a good death ---because it was my Mom.