We will be successful in The Battle (against evil Aliens from another world) only through a combination of technical prowess and the will to win. Money helps too. The technical issue is the subject of this report.

Shown here is a decades-old scene from a military testing ground whose existence was recently acknowledged. The granite boulder was a target used for testing a light-based weapon developed by the “Hot Knife Through Butter” project. The fratostatic regurgitative light beam was able to slice through this rock (8 feet or 2.4m tall) with ease and at lightning speed. While such performance seems impressive, our weapons capability has grown exponentially since then.

The demands of security prevent me from revealing any more about this site and its activities. Unauthorized revelations are punishable by re-assignment to a backwater duty station. The facility, the existence of which has been publicly acknowledged, is off-limits to all but a select few scientists, engineers, military officers, and bowling ball re-grinding technicians.

Men and women are working long hours, often in not-so-comfortable environments and at great personal sacrifice, to ensure that you can go to sleep feeling safe.

By the way, do not confuse this with the
“I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” project,
an unrelated endeavor conducted by Professor Fabio Longhair.

Rumors abound that this boulder looks exactly like one atop Steamboat Rock in eastern Washington State. The resemblance is only a co-incidence.