"ZEN"
"I am happy to announce that I have at last perfected a technique of mind control over wild animals.It's important to begin the training when they are young, before their brains become infected with ego, American consumerism, the media, and of course the desire for food. To that end,
I have managed to fine-tune my methods, using a complex combination of Himalayan-Nepalese-Buddhism and Zen Meditation, to control the minds of Snow Leopard cubs, causing them to not only walk erect like humans, but also to bow in supplication as they approach their master.
Before you dismiss me as just another crackpot, I ask only that you view the photographic proof."