09-JUL-2007
PROLOGUE
It was somewhere outside Barstow when the drugs took hold ----- WHOA – HOLD IT!!
That was a different trip by a very different author. Herr Doktor Thompson meant mescaline, peyote and LSD. However, I’m on the downwind leg to runway six-zero so the drugs involved are meclizine, scopolamine and Jack Daniels, various combinations of which get me through any cruise.
My traveling circus, 8 adults and 2 teenagers, took our virgin NCL cruise aboard the GEM out of NYC to the Bahamas. We are big Royal Caribbean fans but were anxious to try the “Freestyle experience” so on a fine Saturday morning, we assembled in my driveway to head off for Pier 88.
07-MAY-2011
SERIOUSLY PIMPIN THE LIMO
Surprise # 1 hit us when we were greeted by a loooong white vehicle which appears to double as the mobile outreach program from some unknown Gentlemen’s Club.
It’s only an hour ride from my house to the port but I’m not sure I could afford that hour if they had set up the pole. Luckily, there were only faux animal skin seats and the six of us in there. Phewww, dodged that one.
03-MAY-2011
EMBARKATION, LUNCH AND AIMLESS WANDERING
We arrived at the pier at about 11:15 in the usual NYC madness of everyone going everywhere. We tossed all the luggage to the curb fast enough to satisfy even the Port Security munchkins, tipped/bribed the porters to load the bags on the ship instead of in the River, then headed inside the terminal. I’ve always admired the way RCI handles crowds but NCL matched them with an absolutely seamless embarkation and were on board within 25 minutes. Really well done.
Having done some research, we knew better than to head up to the stockyard known as “the buffet” on Day 1, so off we went in search of the Magenta Dining Room. We were served the first of what would be terrific meals all week by our new favorite waiter, Rodell. On the downside, it would be the only time we got out of any MDR in less than 2.25 hours. More on that later.
After lunch we did our usual aimless wandering, exploring the GEM with particular attention to the “mission critical” areas (shops, the casino and various bar locations) This initial stumbling about finished just in time for the cabins to be ready and off we went to inspect quarters.
14-DEC-2007
HOME, SMALL HOME
Wife and I were in 10592, a BA balcony on the 10th deck, hard by the midships elevators. We love this location because it’s convenient to everything and minimizes my proclivity for technicolor yawning.
The cabin itself feels much tighter than on RCI. I’m not sure if it’s actual size or just layout but it seems much tougher to move around. Nevertheless, the stowage is adequate and the balcony is fine. I also like the glass balcony panel better than the RCI version.
Along about 3:00 we met our cabin steward, Aldrick. Really nice guy but also my first hint that NCL may have cut service staff to a critical point. Aldrick apologized unnecessarily that the room hadn’t been vacuumed and proceeded to get it done. Our mini bar was also empty (which saved me the trouble of asking him to empty it) and after the mustard drill, I had to finger snake a soggy wad of tissues out of our sink drain. None of these things is worth ranting about but they reflect what we called “mosquito bites”, small things which don’t ruin the trip but are annoying at the time. We had these “mosquitos” with us all during the week.
14-JUL-2007
SAILAWAY AND SLOW COOKIN
Muster drill was a breeze and sailaway was right on time at 4:00 PM. At this point, I quickly reviewed my nautical dictionary for bow (front), stern (back), port (left), starboard(right) leeward (the side to throw up on) and windward (the side not to). Now we’re ready to go.
Dinner for 10 with Rodell in Magenta at 6:00 PM gave us our first hint that Freestyle’s just another word for no time left to lose. Dinner selections were excellent, the food was very good and Rodell worked like hell to get everything right. However, despite his best efforts, 2.5 hours for a 10 top is FAR longer than we were used to on Princess or RCI.
I know a bit about restaurants and I can spot the difference between lazy staff and understaffed. The MDRs are definitely understaffed. Rodell was working alone and basically waited the table, took the drink orders, served the drinks (with refills of water and iced tea), ran the dinners from the kitchen, bussed the table and did it all with a rushed smile. RCI is definitely better in this respect since the food, while matching or even exceeding RCI for taste and quality, is almost never served hot. It’s also wise to order two or three of whatever you drink since you only get one shot at it.
After Dinner it’s off on our own informal pub crawl. I established my “at sea” office in the Spinnaker (which would change) but by midnight we were all showing our age and it was off to the rack for everyone.
03-MAY-2011
DAY 2 - THE SPA AND A LESSON FROM THE WITCH WOMAN
My wife and I enjoy sea days. Since there’s nowhere we have to be, we like sleeping in after late nights. We also love using room service as a wake up call. Pretty much every night we leave the door hanger menu ordering coffee, juice, fruit and muffins to be enjoyed on the balcony to the music of the ocean. This works doubly well for me since I wake up at the pace of a mastodon with the temperment of a velociraptor. RCI has a bit wider selection on their menu but NCL’s is quite sufficient, room service calls 5 minutes ahead and delivers on time. Call this aspect a draw.
Our normal at sea day involves her going to the pool deck for sun time and my avoiding the sun like a vampire. I also bought a spa pass for the week ($119.00) and even though I didn’t use it all that much, it’s nice to have jacuzzis, hot stone loungers and a terrific quiet place to look over the bow. I don’t know that I’d spend the money again, but I also don’t know that I wouldn’t and the spa staff is uniformly friendly and generally terrific.
I also learned a lesson this morning when I called the main office for dinner reservations at about 11:00 AM. Whoever the lady is that I talked to was put off by my reservation for 10 people. I originally asked for Magenta at 6:45 (with Rodell) since everything except Teppanyaki was showing green on the board from 6:00 to 8:00 PM . Apparently the restaurant board has the same value as a promise from a Senator. It took three calls, two hangups, a LOT of negotiation and assorted refusals to move her off her insistence that we take 8:15 and we ended up with 6:00. Lesson learned - always make reservations the day before and do it in person standing in front of the maitre ‘d. Another mosquito bite from Freestyle.
So after a great afternoon in the Spa, my at sea office and the cabin (while my wife was off at a raffle winning a green slime bath and losing at Bingo), we gathered the group for a Rodell-less dinner in Magenta. Once again, the selections were excellent, the food was well prepared if a little cool and we learned another new twist to NCL. The chairs in the MDRs were apparently designed by prison chiropractors to drum up business.
The first hour is OK but at about the 1:30 mark, glutteal parasthesia (look it up) sets in. By the second hour, desert seems more like parole than finishing course. Since many on shore restaurants have similar seating to encourage turnover, It’s entirely possible that all cruise ships have these torture chairs, BUT nobody else forces you to sit in them for that length of time. I never got our waitresses' name since she didn’t have time to tell us. The mosquitos were swarming that night.
04-MAY-2011
House of the Rising Sea
One of my friends and I spent years in a band together and we enjoy Karaoke as a memory of how successful we never were, so off we went to explore the Bliss Lounge, which is an incredibly apt name. The place replicates what I imagine is a New Orleans house of the rising sun and even has a private
“Champagne Room” at the back near the bowling alley. We always pack 50 or so singles as part of our cruise kit and if a dancer or two had shown up,they’d have been gone in a flash. Bliss indeed.
We don’t normally see a lot of the production shows on a cruise but, since we had two cruise newbs with us, they wanted to go. They learned exactly WHY we don’t usually see the shows on ships. Now to be clear, everything I know about dancing came from watching the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders so I can’t really comment on the talent level of the dancers. However it appeared to me that the show was designed by Phred’s Choreography and House of Pancakes. On the bright side, the musicians were pretty good and at least two singers weren’t refugees from the Karaoke lounge.
03-MAY-2011
A NEW NIGHT -- A NEW OFFICE
After escaping the theater we retired to the Spinnaker only to find that it is converted to the club scene at night. I have no argument with that but it did necessitate relocating my at sea office to the Star Bar, which became mission control for the rest of the week.
Along about 2:00 AM it was time for midrats, always a very big deal. The Blue Lagoon is absolutely spectacular. Way more choices than the normal hockey puck burgers and used paper towel pizza on other ships and all of it was excellent. This was one area where NCL blows RCI away (we won’t even discuss Princess) and if Blue Lagoon was anywhere near an outdoor seating area, it would be perfection itself.
Up to quarters at 3:30 and just get the room service card out in time. Wheww.
02-MAY-2011
DAY 3 - OPPORTUNITY SUCCESSFULLY AVOIDED
On Monday we
pulled into Port Canaveral on the day the Space Shuttle was scheduled to blast off. We had AWESOME seats since the launch vehicle was clearly visible from both my balcony and the outdoor café at the stern. Of course, the launch didn’t happen and I’m glad we didn’t kill anybody trying but there’s still a twinge of disappointment to it.
Since we had no desire to see anything Disney and the Space Center promised to be a madhouse, we just rented a car and spent a relaxed, comfortable and CHEAP day at a friend’s Florida home. Now that’s how to do an excursion.
Back aboard, it’s off to try Grand Pacific. Same excellent range of choices, same semi-warm but otherwise very good food and the same butt numbing 2 hour and 15 minute dinner with ONE glass of water and ONE glass of iced tea. Several of my crew had the foresight to buy bottles of wine last night so they were in good shape. The rest of us just had to try and rope whoever ran by. On the bright side, we met the crew highlight of the trip, a waiter named “Nyuk-Nyuk” (no REALLY) who is the one person aboard who seems to truly enjoy his job. He was a blast and we also saw him in charge of the Happy/Washee idiocy at the Garden Café. He actually made me forget my normal “Shutee Upee” reaction.
The show that night was a 70s “tribute” that was a great reminder of why disco deserved to die painfully and also just why the rest of the decade was kept in the 70s. The rest of the evening was the casino, the shops and more excellent midrats at the Blue Lagoon, all interspersed with many trips to my at sea office. Really good day.
03-MAY-2011
DAY 4 - LOVE ME TENDER (or not)
Off to Great Stirrup Cay where the sun shines, the water is blue and absolutely everything else goes on your sea pass. Actually, it’s pretty nice and the exact same deal as Cocoa Cay. In fact, RCIs’ island is next door, so we had
Monarch of the Seas keeping us company all day.
NCLs tender system is theoretically more organized and smoother than RCIs. Of course, the Constitution theoretically keeps the government nitwits out of out hair. They both work about as well.
On NCL you line up your bleary, bloodshot eyes at 7:00 AM to get a tender ticket which assigns you a boat number. You are then told that first tender is at 11:00 AM. The first tender is then called at 10:00 AM when nobody is ready, so the result is that the 11:00 crowd is somewhat larger (by 300%) than anticipated. More mosquitos buzzing.
An hour or so on Stirrup Cay let me observe various amounts of pre-cancerous coloring and a ton of bikinis that just should not be. Having had all the fun I could stand there, I left my crew in the ocean and tendered back to wile away the afternoon at the Spa and my at sea office until our 6:00 PM reservations at Teppanyaki.
While Teppanyaki doesn’t match the shoreside chop shops in NY, it was pretty good. Still, our chef kept dropping things which definitely doesn’t cause warm, fuzzy feelings with a guy flashing a set of terminal Ginsu knives. We also noticed that we were in and out in about 1:15 with plenty of staff attention. Is it possible that NCL makes the MDRs so uncomfortable on purpose to drive people to the specialties? Is it possible Oswald didn’t act alone? HMMMM?
After dinner is yet another show in the Stardust Theater where the seats were apparently designed by the same MacDonald’s VP who did the dining rooms. RCI’s theater setup, with tables and lounge booths, is far superior to NCL PLUS there are waiters circulating and it’s possible to get a drink at all times. AHHHH - more mosquitos.
The comedian did 45 minutes of stale cruise jokes but in fairness to him, the presence of some idiot parents and their 3 year olds in the front row may have cramped his style.
Post show was the normal round of casino, aimless wandering, more great midrats and, of course, my at sea office before a full day of sun, sand and lobster quality sunburn wiped out the crew by 1:00 AM.
03-MAY-2011
DAY 5 -NASSAU, DRIVE-BY CLEANERS AND THE ATTACK OF THE AARPs
Since Nassau is only about 10 miles from Great Stirrup Cay, we spent the night sailing in figure eights before they let us in. Once at the dock, my crew split up with the family of four heading to Atlantis to spend massive amounts of money doing things we could do at home. Four others headed into town for an extreme shopping trip. My wife and I have previously seen everything we want to see in Nassau, which is nothing, so for the first time in our cruising history we stayed on the ship on a port day.
Staying aboard in port is actually a pretty decent way to explore the ship. GEM really is quite beautiful and once we learned the layout, it’s easy to navigate. I did end up in the kitchen while trying to get forward from the Magenta, and once late at night, several of us got totally lost in the cabin maze on Deck 7 (think “Spinal Tap” trying to find the stage) but overall the ship is really well done.
Late that morning, while relaxing in the cabin, we heard a weird mechanical hum from outside. Suddenly this wild moveable scaffold came cruising along the balcony rail carrying the worker who may have the best job on the ship - cleaning the exterior while surprising cabin occupants who may be engaged in activity which does not anticipate company. Be warned everyone, in port on 10 deck IS NOT the place to join the Balcony Club.
In the afternoon, I hit the Spa again while the wife went to get slathered in green slime (she won it- remember). On my way back to the cabin came “The Attack of the AARPs”.
Now I have always ripped RCI for their elevator setup and the GEM was far better in terms of getting elevators in less than geologic time. However, I was standing alone at the midships elevator on 6 Deck when, out of nowhere, I was surrounded by five people who must have totaled 350 years of age, each with a mine detector or other hardware.
Now it’s been almost a decade since that little red/white card arrived in the mail announcing the end of all my pretensions to youth, but these geezers had underwear older than me. Despite that, they moved like a pack of mongoose and had obviously practiced coordinated attack strategy because as soon as the door opened I got whacked by a walker from the left, a spider cane from the right and what I can only hope was a single cane from the rear. They all boarded the empty elevator, leaving me in stunned silence as the doors slid closed. Game, set and match to the Medicare set on that one. Apparently, Jack Daniels and Geritol are a potent combination.
DAYS 6 & 7 - THERE'S A LOT OF WATER OUT THERE
NCL turns a one day return into two more sea days by traveling at a top speed of 16 knots and that was fine with everytone except my friend’s 16 year old who had entered a MEGO (my eyes glaze over) state once we left Nassau. I can’t blame the kid because he’s too young to drink or gamble and too old for the “family friendly” stuff aboard. Unless you can afford to bring a friend or two, I’m not sure that 15-17 is an ideal age for a sea day heavy cruise.
For the rest of us, the two sea days were another mass of spa time, shopping time and heavy medication laden with fruit and umbrellas. Around the pool deck there were a lot more passengers (male and female) garbed in a way that made us wonder if there was a mirror in their cabins. Seriously??? They can’t possibly think that a string bikini or banana bandaid swimsuit look good once you’re over 40. Once elderly lady with long term sun damage resembled an alligator handbag walking upright. Oh well, chacun au son gous.
