This admittance mug shot was taken at the Granite Hills Conversion Clinic ("We hate sandstone") and depicts the haggard face of a sandstone addict, a person who likes to get high on sandstone. The malady from which this person suffers has the clinical name “Sandstone Deprivation Syndrome,” but it is commonly called "sandstone addiction" and in some circles is referred to as the "sandstone shakes," after the tremors observed in a patient who had been away from sandstone for a while.

Note in the face the typical features of the malady: an intense stupefied gaze, the somewhat gaunt shape of the face caused by not eating the proper food, a lack of interest in personal appearance demonstrated by the presence of beard stubble and unkempt hair, and a reddening of the skin caused by careless exposure to the elements.

The blank expression of the mouth is associated with a fetish-like interest in esoteric practices such as “seeking enlightenment,” engaging in meditation, using auras, and attempting so-called “oneness” with inert material. It is thought that the stress of these ridiculous and worthless activities is so great that it drains the humanity from devotees.

Recent ground-breaking clinical trials have established that sandstone addiction has a sub-component that causes an otherwise normal person to ramble on about any subject at hand, using flowery language and obscure (or invented) words and phrases. The Electro-Management Department at Granite Hills is eager to test for the presence of this component in the pictured subject. Electroshock therapy is a powerful clinical tool.

The near-term future for this addict is not without hope, but does include a long and painful period of de-toxification. Drastic measures are required to un-do the damage that has been done: for the benefit of the medical staff, he will be sequestered in a soundproof room for the first five days of his residence at Granite Hills Conversion Clinic and will wear a straightjacket. One is strongly tempted to chide the person for moral weakness, but he needs sympathy and understanding to overcome his problem. Clinic-administered tranquilizers will be of great help too. Please include him in your prayers.