Subjugation of the human race by Alien beings can take place only if those other-worldly creatures are able to find us. With all the interstellar static out there, it takes special effort to pinpoint signals coming from our---or any---planet. Thus: this lamp that does double duty by acting as a homing device for guiding UFOs to Earth. It was installed by an advance scouting party of who-knows-what within the last year. How do I know?---I am not at liberty to explain, but trust me.

The antenna atop the lamp transmits beacon-like signals to certain quadrants of the universe, allowing "anyone" with the proper receiver to ride the signals from zillions of light years away directly to a pedestrian walkway in Seattle, Washington (location is classified).

Lest you think that Seattle is doomed, I can reveal that we are engaged in the surreptitious alteration of the signals for the purpose of confusing The Enemy. If all goes as planned, the Aliens will think they are headed for Seattle when in fact their ships will be guided to an area that is known to be more "appropriate": Saint Clair Shores, Michigan or Putney (London), England.