A couple of days ago, we popped in to see our neighbours to wish them a Happy Christmas and their son was playing a computer game that had a sort of fake plastic guitar with coloured buttons on it that you had to press the buttons both in time to and in the same notes as the song playing. The “instructions” were on the screen in a sort of endlessly moving guitar neck, complete with frets. The songs were supposedly rock classics but come on – does the world really need to hear freebird ever again? I can’t think of a single good reason why it does.

Personally, I can’t abide computer games in any format whatsoever but looking at the screen while the frets whizzed by was hypnotic to say the least.

Our friends’ son told us that looking at the screen for a long time can produce hallucinations much like the effect of taking magic mushrooms and is known as the shroom effect.

I thought it was probably just wishful thinking until I saw the tablecloth, along with the food on the coffee table walking off the table and onto the floor. I couldn’t understand how their dog was managing to pull off the cloth while no-one took any notice…..and then I realised that no-one noticed because it wasn’t moving at all. It was the shroom effect grabbing my eyeballs.

Anyway, we had a terrific evening overall, despite the shroom effect - we are certainly glad to have them as neighbours.

So, when DM let me out to do a pre-agreed “job” of collecting kindling for the fire from the garden (pre-agreed job because I have been policed mercilessly in not doing any “work” of any kind by him) and I saw these tiny mushrooms growing on a dead twig, I thought they’d make a foil for telling the story.

I’m as sure as I can be that the plastic guitar will find its way into landfill just as soon as the playstation/xbox/wee (don’t ask me which, however much they may tell you that they’re all different and they are all vital to life in the modern world, the truth is that in ten years time no-one will be able to remember which games went with which plastic box) is superseded by a new piece of nasty crap that costs a fortune and has a life span of approximately six weeks but in the meantime, my recommendation if you have one of these gadgets is don’t go anywhere near your car after a go on it.

Can you tell I've still got the Christmas blues?

Last year, I was having one of my more moronic moments......and unsuccessfully trying (thank goodness) to burn down the house!