Well, after the last couple of months when I’ve been watching my professional life slide down the pan, the final straw has come. The week before last I thought it couldn’t get any worse but it has. My grip has finally given way and I’ve slid into the abyss.

It’s weird, it’s like it’s happening to someone else, not to me. No matter how much I’ve tried (and believe me I have tried EVERYTHING), no matter how much I’ve fretted and worried, no matter how much sleep I’ve lost or how much my health and my love has suffered as a result of this miserable situation in which I find myself, it’s all just gone.

I took the final, bitter blow last night and today, the repercussions have been rippling around like some insidious, creeping virus. I’m shattered and broken but do you know what? I’m relieved too. I don’t have to put myself through that torture any more and I can now start to try to rebuild my career and reputation. I’m down, I’m on my knees, battered and bleeding but not out.

Last year, my judgement left something to be desired....and the year before we were celebrating Hughie's 40th birthday at the Ivy.