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Linda A | all galleries >> Galleries >> Every Day I Write My Book - 2004 diary > 11th March 2004 - two halves no longer make a whole
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11-MAR-2004

11th March 2004 - two halves no longer make a whole

One of my good friends has been a bit quiet lately and I didnít know why. Today he Ďsplurgedí on me. He told me that heís avoiding his home at the moment because heís in the process of splitting up with his girlfriend.

My stomach churned when he said it because I know exactly how miserable life is when you donít feel you can go home. How I feel for him. How I wish I could help. Of course I canít really help because he has to deal with his relationship problems for himself but I did tell him to use me as a sounding board any time he likes. Just gimme a call and Iíll be there to listen and to pass him a Kleenex to mop up his tears if he wants me to.

They have simply drifted apart.

Whatís really hard for him to deal with is that they both still care for one another but are no longer Ďin loveí. Somehow that seems to have increased his anguish Ė heís blaming himself and saying sheís done nothing wrong. Sheís saying sheís unhappy and lonely and he feels the same way. He feels guilty yet heís nothing to feel guilty for.

Itís funny how incredibly lonely it can be when you are in a relationship with no love. There are no words to describe the feeling of emptiness and misery. How much his plight has upset me. You see, Iíve been there and Iíve done that. Itís something that leaves you feeling like youíre an outsider looking in on someone elseís life and drives you to hang around at work for want of a better place to go (mind you that didnít do me any real harm as it really kick-started my career). It made me look for opportunities to stay away, somewhere, anywhere but just not at home.

I like to think of myself as someone whoíll go to the ends of the earth to help people I care about but on this occasion I feel powerless and miserable because I know only he can unravel his feelings and sort out his life.

These occasions make me feel a bit guilty too because things in my life are good now. They also make me appreciate how good, so I came through the door determined to spend this evening with David not on my PC.

I donít want to leave this posting on a sad note so I am reminded of a conversation with another friend yesterday or the day before. She is lucky to be in a long-term relationship that had started when she and her partner were very young yet they were lucky and grew together rather than apart. Thatís what I call a good outcome and maybe about more than just a bit of luck. I wonder how many people can say that?


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Guest 13-Mar-2004 22:31
These two halves are a very nice illustration of your fiend's situation. Very nice.
gary becker13-Mar-2004 02:24
Very well done.
brother_mark12-Mar-2004 22:26
Excellent photo illustration of your friend's situation. I wish him luck in bringing a peaceful end to it, so they both can move on but remain friends if needed.
Carolyn B.12-Mar-2004 17:26
Another entry that's so incredibly honest, you make my heart ache. The photo you used for this day is perfect - two halves that don't "fit" together like a puzzle, but rather "go" together. Enough differences to make them interesting, enough similarities for the world to see they belong. Hopefully your friend will find that match one day.
Guest 12-Mar-2004 13:14
As has been said an excellent image to go with your comment - as is always the case with you Linda. Funny how we 'gel' with the right person and know that you'll spend the rest of your life together?? OK - so no one knows what tomorrow will bring and never does to be complacent ..... now I coulddn't imagine life with my partner Jayne. As for helping people in the situation you mention then what can you do?? You can only offer to listen, but know of the helplessness you mention? Good luck to your friend and only time will heal?
Linda Alstead12-Mar-2004 09:56
Thanks all for your kind wishes for my friend - he is very touched and flattered by seeing so many words of support and encouragement. It's helped to make him feel a bit less alone and a bit stronger to face the challenge of the coming weeks and months.
Guest 12-Mar-2004 00:27
What an excellent image to illustrate your entry today! (I think it's a walnut.) I hope your friend will find what he needs and wants. He is lucky to have someone like you for a friend.

Relationships are so hard sometimes... about the time you think you've got it all figured out it goes and changes and you realize you are as clueless as ever! Half the battle is to enjoy the ride.
Guest 11-Mar-2004 23:04
PS. Is it a pecan or a wallnut?
Guest 11-Mar-2004 23:04
Very sad. It always is when people drift apart.

We all should be SO grateful of what we have and remind ourselves every day how lucky we really are. When was the last time most people told their partner that they love them? Mine was at 5.30pm this afternoon as I put the phone down from Simon before he got into his car and came home. How lucky am I?!

Let's hope that whatever your friends do that they find love and happiness in the VERY near future.
Ian Chappell11-Mar-2004 22:27
Hmmm... for once I'm paying more attenion to the picture instead of the words! ;)
Lara S11-Mar-2004 21:25
Thanks for reminding me one of the reasons for being single, and waiting for the "Right" relationship to come along. It is scarry though. I do feel for your friend, but give him credit for thinking of ending it. I know people in THAT same situation, and they are not doing anything to change anything about it. He's lucky to have a friend like you. Hmm, hope his girlsfriend doesn't look at your site before he gets a hold of her. Yikes.
Jeff Gegner11-Mar-2004 21:21
It's nice you are there to keep him from going nuts (sorry). I've been there. The best he can do is realize he will still have a good friend unless he drives her away. He has to look at it from the bright side--they are going different directions. Allow that to happen comfortably and the friendship will survive.

I split with a girl I was going to marry. We would not have been happy, our paths were going different directions. To this day we are still friends. Tell him to look past the anger and dissapointment, it may be murky but it is out there.
Si Kirk11-Mar-2004 20:55
Sad news for any one, at least he has a good friend right there for him!
Guest 11-Mar-2004 20:42
A very moving entry, Linda. I too know what it's like to be in a relationship where there is no love, and you're right, it is incredibly lonely. In my first marriage I used to yearn to be anywhere, to be anyone else, just to get away and out of the life I currently held. I hope your friend works through his situation and finds happiness soon :)
Ray :)11-Mar-2004 20:41
Life can be hard and I can relate to your friend's feelings. But we have to keep reminding ourselves that every cloud has a silver lining, and that lining can sometimes be very bright indeed and worth getting 'drenched' for.
Jill11-Mar-2004 20:39
Well I am not one that can comment on "relationships" and can only state that it is pure anquish I am sure.

However, this is the BEST image I have EVER seen of a pecan.