OK – here it is. The culmination of a month’s hard graft.

This is my evidence folder ready for audit tomorrow. It took me until gone midnight last night to check it over for gaps and holes and today I polished it with emotional Pledge. I can’t believe two things – firstly that I have amassed so much work in just 20 days and that it’s now all over bar the shouting. I am, unless there is something really, really bad around the corner that I’ve not foreseen, going to jump the first hurdle of my race to become a teacher tomorrow.

In my heart there are mixed feelings because when I showed DM my “report” for this placement, he said, with an expression of delight on his face “you are really going to be able to do this aren’t you”. I am sad it didn’t work out for him. I’m also fiercely protective of my getting there. I am welling up as I type and I still can’t face the consequences of what will happen to my world if I don’t succeed.

Tomorrow, the formal part of the sign over of this element of my course happens. I leave my placement and go back to Uni. I so wish that it wasn’t so in as much as I could happily spend the rest of my working life in that lovely, vibrant school. Leaving now, with only three weeks of term left before the Christmas break is such a wrench. The exciting things that are happening, I won’t see. The fledging of my class of eleven year-olds, leaving the safety of the school that almost all of them have been at since they were three, when they spread their wings and fly up to the comp, I won’t see.

I have a strong and ever-growing suspicion that tomorrow I will make a fool of myself (again) and cry…