It’s only 9am yet Lola and I are both tired out. She slept in her new bed last night for the first time away from her birth family. It was a bit stressful, despite our best efforts to make her feel at home. We’d brought an old tee shirt from her family, that had been in Mum and pups bed for the last few days so she could smell her Mum and siblings in her bed. She had toys, a hot water bottle, and a soft, safe place to sleep but she was still a bit traumatised.

Still, she and I got up at 6am (dawn), went into the garden for morning “ablutions” and then, after breakfast, we’ve played until now, when she’s settled down for a nap on the floor. I’m hoping that it’ll be dawn that’s her trigger for the foreseeable future so she gets up later and later each day for the rest of the year. Who knows at this stage whether or not that one will work out.

I’m tired out too because, what with her trying out her vocal chords to try to get someone to come and see her, JD anxiously pacing about and DM and his eczema, I’ve not had much sleep either.

She’s lucky because she can go back to sleep until she’s ready to play again, while I have to make my sandwich for lunch and get ready to go out to work for the day. Sadly for me, I will miss my puppy’s first three full days in her new home because of work. It’s going to be tough knowing she’s at home while I work.

Confession time – I have spent much of the day today sobbing with a mix of relief, happiness and sadness, maybe even a little guilt. Does that make sense? Relief – I have my shadow back – where I go, so does she – she’s even doing the kitchen cupboard thing that I loved so much about Rosie. Happiness – who can fail to have their heart filled with love and happiness when they see their puppy bounding towards them in those strange little bunny hops that new puppies do? Sadness – well, it won’t take a huge amount of brains to work out that the sweet pleasure of Lola is so tinged with sadness at the loss of Rosie – when Lola does something that Rosie did as a puppy, it reminds me of her and when she’s doing her own thing I draw comparisons. Guilt – well, that’s inextricably linked with the sadness. How can I love so much when my heart is still broken from losing her…….

…..BUT, in a world full of difficulties it’s such a relief to find again this unconditional love – it’s mine again and I’m going to make sure that I hang onto it and treat it with the respect and generosity it deserves.

I write this “the morning after” – my baby sleeps in her bed after another 6am rise for games and fuss. As I look at this photo, I see her tucked up in her bed in this pose……there’s no better image in my mind’s eye.