I can’t claim this photo was shot today because it was shot a couple of weeks back in a previous burst of snow – yes, we’ve got it back again!

This is a kiwi fruit on our garden. If I’m honest, it was looking out of the window and seeing small fruit on it that made me want to live here. (But shhhh telling DM that is verboten – it’s strictly on a “need to know” basis.) It represents frustration for me because I can’t work out why the fruits won’t ripen. They get to the size of a large walnut then go no further. The things I know about kiwi vines are:

1. They don’t usually do well in the UK – but I know that’s not the problem because the vine itself is like a triffid. It puts on growth of 10-12 every year. In fact, I razed it to the ground three years ago, but you’d never know it now.
2. They are mostly single-sex plants so can’t pollinate themselves, though there are a few self-fertile varieties – can this be my problem – do the flowers not get pollinated so they don’t fully form as fruit hence the midget size. Is it a self-fertile variety that gets fertilised and the problems are elsewhere?
3. They grow across swathes of China, much of which is as cold and exposed as we are – does it grow in these conditions – evidence suggests that the plant is happy – see reason 1 above.
4. Could it be that our climate is good enough for the plant but not good enough for the plant to get the fruit to maturity?

The only one of these theories I can sensibly test is the male/female one – I COULD get a male vine, plant it nearby and see what happens…..but to do that means finding a male (not easy in itself) and having the funds to buy one. If a male plant costs 20 quid then it’s a lot of dosh for a failed experiment (if it fails).

What I’ve discovered is that it’s not easy to find out information this specific because I can’t find anyone in the UK who has enough experience of these plants to be able to make a reasoned judgement about it. I’ve even tried the botanists in my University whose collective experience couldn’t help.

So, for now at least, the plant is going to be “controlled” by me and I’ll keep prodding the fruit and wondering “what if” for a bit longer.