…..of the vanishing scissors.

I’m sure every home has at least one mystery of this type. Here, scissors disappear at a frightening rate of knots. I have bought dozens of pairs in my time, I’ve even managed to acquire some through other means such as inheriting several pairs when DM and I got together.

Somehow though, it’s only a matter of time before they disappear without trace. I’ve thought of tying them to various objects, such as the handle of a cabinet in the kitchen, the staging in the greenhouse or my desk, yet this removes one of their basic benefits, their portability to be used elsewhere.

It doesn’t even matter what type of scissors I’m using, nail scissors are just as likely to disappear as kitchen scissors or general around-the-house scissors. There is no rhyme or reason for their disappearance, except that I suspect a certain individual (yes, you know the one) as being the chief culprit. OK – now the cat’s out of the bag, I’m accusing DM of running off with my scissors and secreting them in places I can only wonder at.

Now you see, I have a case-in-point. Yesterday, a very good pair of scissors that were my kitchen scissors appeared in my kitchen. How is that so strange? I hear you say. Well, they’ve been replaced by these crappy orange handled ones that are not as sharp and much stiffer to use because the good ones disappeared months ago and every time I needed to chop the top off a packet of cheese or snip some chives I was thwarted. So, I replaced them with these rubbishy ones, not that I knew they’d be rubbishy at the time, that’s simply what’s transpired.

The old but good ones turned up on the side in the kitchen with guess what? Yep – a whole pile of film developing kit. That’s right. Now tell me who in this house uses film developing kit? Yep – right again, only one person AND THAT’S NOT ME!

So, two and two equals four – developing gear plus MY scissors = DM. Yep, it’s the sort of equation that will no doubt also be baffling me when I start my new life as a student in September.

The old but good ones have subsequently disappeared again and a furtive rummage around DMs office has failed to reveal their whereabouts. I’m gonna call the cops. This time it’s serious.