Today has been another deeply stressful, traumatic day in my search for work. I spoke on Thursday about the misery of the telephone interview with “authorities” about my unemployed status. Since then, I have been phoned three times to make changes to my appointment time and the name of the person I have to see.

Eventually, today was agreed upon so I presented myself, in best bib and tucker, to the Job Centre at the appointed time. I waited and waited and the person I was supposed to be seeing didn’t turn up. Then I heard scuffling and conversation between staff that clearly demonstrated to me they weren’t expecting me. After another period of waiting, I got taken off by someone else entirely who asked me lots of questions and gave me a few leaflets. She was kind and gentle with me when I cried so that was OK.

I was asked to wait to see another person, which I did and after a while I was called. The person who called me and spoke with me was not the person I had been told to see (again). He went through the questions I’d answered on the phone and made changes where the telephone operator had got it wrong. He was also kind, though to be frank, a bit flippant.

Overall, I was there just shy of two hours. This means that I have now spent three and a half hours between the phone and the face-to-face interview being humiliated. I discovered at the end of the process that the very best outcome I can expect is a weekly sum of money that is so small that in my old life, I have earned it in a single hour of work. Although I recognise that there was no such thing as a single hour of work in that life, it sure puts things into perspective.

What made me want to weep was that there were messages everywhere about being honest “you MUST do this or that”, “you can’t do this”, “if you do this it will affect your benefits”. The clear message was if you get caught lying or cheating then you will be severely punished. So, why was it that one of the two advisors I spoke with told me (not quite exactly) to lie to prospective employers? If I’m being kind, I’d say I was told to evade the truth rather than lie outright. Not on one issue, but on two of the issues we discussed.

I think the message was fairly clear – if you lie to the government, then you are in deep shit. If, on the other hand, you lie to a prospective employer and therefore get a job and get out of our hair then that’s a really good outcome for all. Does that make anyone else want to weep?

Therefore my photo is of beautiful willow, often associated with weeping, but made into lovely little sunflowers by my own fair hand. They’re the only tonic I can think of for a miserable day.