Bookends

Welcome to day 557 of the Anguish Project.
Although it is no longer called that.
It has had several names over the last 18 months.
My current (and favorite) name for it is "The Life Project".
We sure have seen some shit go down in this time.
And the last entry was no exception to that theory.
It was pretty serious stuff with "the ex".
I was pretty angry and showed it in the words I wrote.
The picture was all kinds of "WTF", but ahh the words.
They are where the real meat is torn from the bone.
And now I present you with a bookend on here.
To understand this picture you need to see 5-06-07.
That was Day 1 of The Anguish Project.
That photo means so much more to me than I can say.
It is one of the bookends of this project.
There was so much pain and anguish in there at that moment.
Today I am presenting you with the other bookend.
There is so much that is different in todays photo.
The place is the same but the location is different.
I took this picture in the exact same spot as the first one.
As well as I can recall it is the same parking space.
When I look at this one I see a different watch.
I see a different jacket and glasses and earrings (sweet earrings).
I see a different haircut and even a different truck.
Beyond all those trappings is the most important piece of it.
I see a different man in this picture.
He still has the same name though.
He has seen a lot in these months since it started.
Some of it has been good and some has been bad.
Some of it has hurt and some has made me glad.
Through all of it I have grown and learned.
I find the cause of the earlier entry unacceptable.
Nobody was forcing me to listen though.
I could have just hung up, but there was some closure there for me.
I didn't really need it but I got it anyways.
Validation, Vindication, call it what you will.
It was all there in spades this morning.
The whole thing had come full circle and was complete.
There is still healing to be done, but the words between us are complete.
See, the guy in this picture isn't really like the guy in 5-06-07.
They are both really nice guys deserving to be loved.
However 5-06-07 guy didn't have any clue who 11-13-08_part2 guy was.
All you have to do is look between the photos to see the threads.
There is so much of it here, all to be seen by those who look.
Even though he's a lot like me, we are not the same.
And even though I am a lot like him, we are not the same.
This is what growth is in this life.
Growth can shake you down to your very core.
The parts that are really you remain while the unnecessary shakes away.
What you build up in its place becomes who you are.
What "she" wanted back earlier today had nothing to do with me.
It had to do with the guy on 5-06-07 that she left.
It had to do with what she gave up and stomped on as she left.
That was what she wanted back, not the man I am today.
You can look back at my progression since then.
When was he gone? Where did he go?
Was he there on 5-13-07 when support came?
Can you still see him on 6-15-07?
Need some help? I know when he started leaving.
10-07-07 is the date where he was shaken down to the core.
I called it an epiphany that day and it was.
Every photo in this project after that was learning.
Even when I didn't know it the picture was about growth.
This project has been the most wonderful thing I could have done.
I did it for myself.

So anywho, what does this mean for The Life Project?
Because it has two bookends does that mean it is over?
I could no more end this than I could end the days.
It is all about life and my life is still going.
I may take a day or two off, but the project will continue.
It has served me well and will continue to do so in the future.
To those that have written me saying how they took inspiration:
I want to say keep your chin up and your wits about you.
It is a perilous road you are on, full of pitfalls.
There are times when the pain seems overwhelming.
What you have to hold firmly is what you believe.
Hold on tight to who you are and it will work out.
Be yourself through it all and you are never wrong.
Someday the pain will not be painful, replaced by triumph.
That will be as great a day for you as it is for me right this moment.
Just remain true to who you are no matter what.
You will get through this just as I have, keep working.

So I will sign off for a couple of days to recharge the batteries.
There is so much more to do and see in this life project.
I'm talking about the real one out there in the world.
There is a dorky smile on my face as I type this.
I really feel good, is that the meatloaf talking?
No, it is my heart singing a tune to me.
It goes something like this:

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes and leap

Have great days!