Who was that masked man?
The Lone Ranger and Tonto go camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says,
'Kemosabe, look toward sky, what you see?
'The Lone Ranger replies, 'I see millions of stars.'
'What that tell you?' asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says: 'Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially millions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, it tells me the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically,it seems we'll have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Tonto?'
"You dumber than an Obama voter. It mean someone stole our tent."
You've heard it a thousand times.
What is your beverage of choice?
7/1 Huckabee’s Joke About the IRS' missing E-Mails
“We’ve seen just last week what happens when supposedly the Chinese have now hacked into the personnel records of upwards of 20 million government employees. The one positive out of all that is that the only hope we have of maybe recovering Lois Lerner’s emails from the IRS is to get them from the Chinese,” Huckabee joked to a laughing crowd of sheriffs.
GROWING OLD, THE 2ND WORST THING YOU CAN DO
Two elderly residents, a man and a woman, were sitting alone in the lobby of their nursing home one evening. The old man looked over and said to the old lady, "I know just what you're wanting. For $5.00 I'll have sex with you right over there in that rocking chair."
The old lady looked surprised but didn't say a word.
The old man continued, "For $10 I'll do it with you on that nice soft sofa over there, but for $20 I'll take you back to my room, light some candles, and give you the most romantic evening you've ever had in your life."
The old lady still says nothing but, after a couple minutes, starts digging down in her purse. She pulls out a wrinkled $20 bill and holds it up.
"So you want the nice romantic evening in my room," says the old man.
"Get serious", she replies. "Four times in the rocking chair."
Letterman's top 10
C&P - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g0jYh3KMOuk