THE SHIP OF STATE david v.
RIGHT ON, RIGHT ON!
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him,
"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.
She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican.
"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."
The man smiled and responded, "You must be an Obama-Democrat."
"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are -- or where you are going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."
STUNNING GRAFFITI diane b.
LEGALLY BLONDE margret r.
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other,
"Which do you think is farther away.... Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????"
S.O.S. carl n.
A C-130 was lumbering along when a cocky F-16 flashed by.
The jet jockey decided to show off.
The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, 'watch this!'
and promptly went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb..
He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier.
The F-16 pilot asked the C-130 pilot what he thought of that?
The C-130 pilot said, 'That was impressive, but watch this!'
The C-130 droned along for about 5 minutes
and then the C-130 pilot came back on and said:
'What did you think of that?'
Puzzled, the F-16 pilot asked, 'What the heck did you do?'
The C-130 pilot chuckled.
'I stood up, stretched my legs, walked to the back,
took a leak, then got a cup of coffee and a cinnamon roll.'
When you are young & foolish - speed & flash may seem a good thing!
When you get older & smarter -
comfort & dull is not such a bad thing!
We older folks understand this one, it's called…
S.O.S.
Slower, Older and Smarter....
Navy Seal quote of the week
Dana Perrino (Fox News) describing an interview she recently had with a Navy SEAL. After discussing all the countries he had been sent to, she asked if they had to learn several languages?
His reply:
"No ma'am, we don't go there to talk."
VALENTINE'S CARD FROM THE HOUSE FORMERLY KNOWN AS 'WHITE'
OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES margret r.
OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read,
'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'
New Fashion Rage In Police Mug Shots. mike g.
"Let's see here. . . I need to shower, shave, eat some oatmeal, put on my New Obama T-shirt, grab my 9mm and hold up a convenience store..
These Are Actual Police Mugshot Photos.
KIDS, YA GOTTA LUV EM margret r.
Out bicycling one day with my eight-year-old granddaughter, Carolyn, I got a little wistful.
'In ten years,' I said, 'you'll want to be with your friends and you won't go walking, biking, and swimming with me like you do now. Carolyn shrugged.
'In ten years you'll be too old to do all those things anyway.'
