475
How goes the war? We believed the war to be over, ended by the sudden disappearance of the invaders just as we had exhausted our defences. Perhaps we spoke too soon. A combination of warm, dry weather and lots of human and mechanical activity in the garden has seen the ants return in greater numbers. First to appear were the small worker ants, who prepared the ground for their invasion. They emerged from the tunnels leading to their city, and were soon swarming all over the crazy paving and patio areas. They were followed by the slightly larger soldier ants, who checked that it was safe for their air units to emerge. When they had secured the area, the flying ants emerged by their thousands and sat in rows at the entrance to their city. From a distance they looked like a shimmering silver carpet. The worker ants scurried to and fro, going about their mysterious tasks and tending to their airborne colleagues while the soldiers stood guard as the flyers' wings dried in the sun. A desperate plea was issued for forces capable of defending us from this revived menace, but the Environmental Health Department's assistance came at too high a price. Our call was answered by the sole survivors of the First Great Ant War: two plastic men. The German grenadier was soon lost to enemy forces, and all our hopes rested on this single US Marine. Crippled in previous combat, he had only one leg and no hands. Weaponless and half-dead, he stood his ground while Liam blasted all known entrances to the ant city with chemical agents. The ants that were caught out in the open did not stand a chance - one touch of the white powder and it was only a matter of time before they died a painful death. Some of the soldier ants sought to take cover - abandoning their decimated air cover and workers to their fate. In their panic, however, they only succeeded in dragging the deadly powder into their city. It was a massacre. The rain that fell dissolved the powder that was sitting in small mounds at the mouths of their tunnels and carried the poisoned water deep into their city. Despite their grevious losses, we are under no illusions that the ants are defeated. They will regroup, of that we are certain. We will be ready for them, though, and we will be ruthless and indefatigable in our efforts to keep our patio free and clear of any invaders who would wish to prevent us from eating outside or sitting on our lawn.

Liam started secondary school this time last year