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Dave Beedon | all galleries >> PBase Infrastructure >> PBase's Other Facilities (humor) > Hit-counting facility
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Hit-counting facility

Hit-counting facility

One PBaser ( http://www.pbase.com/paulwalt/profile ) states on his profile page the number of hits
his images have received (it's in the millions!). What is truly amazing is not that he has so many
hits, which he deserves, but that he is able to quote that number with confidence. He can make such
a bold statement because he relies on PBase's state-of-the-art hit-counting facility, which is
pictured here. This technoplant, located on the Columbia River in Washington State, provides all
sorts of statistical data ("numbers") to PBase subscribers. The official name of the facility is
Abba Cuss Memorial Hit Counter and Delicatessen, but most people call it "Big Calc."

Every time a page or gallery is accessed by a surfer, it is logged here. At the same
time, sophisticated calculations are done to determine how to order a subscriber's
images by the number of hits each image generates. This higher-order math is performed
with a K. E. Picket Slide Rule Delineator, the most sophisticated device of its kind.
The latest upgrade, installed recently at great expense, performs reverse-order
calculations for those subscribers who wish to list their images in ascending order of
hits (the least-viewed image first). It's all included in a PBase subscription.

As you might have guessed, all this tallying and calculating requires a lot of energy.
That's why this facility is located close to a hydro-electric generating facility (dam).
Want to know more? Call ahead for a tour, during which you can see calculations
being made in real time. Ear protection and hard hats are issued to all visitors.
Don't forget to buy a snack at the deli.
.


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Rick Bricker17-Mar-2010 04:15
I was here the day a few months back they bombed this facility,mistaking it for an Iranian uranium facility.It kinda threw the count off it seems...:o)
Mark Wilson09-Jun-2008 05:13
I'm assuming this is all a joke eh!
1moremile07-Jun-2007 23:39
there are literally mountains of work to be done here.
Dave Beedon07-Jun-2007 06:08
Richard, no need to panic---the situation is well in hand. The public utility district supplies tons of electricity to what it believes is an aluminum production facility just down the river from the dam. Big Calc's electrical infrastructure was designed to emulate the current-hogging profile of a factory that produces aluminum. The intention was to prevent PUD engineers from thinking something is amiss. Alcoa is a cover for the real mission of this installation.
Richard Doody07-Jun-2007 03:25
My God! Do Alcoa and Chelan PUD realize whats happened to their facilities or has pbase plant some trojan in the software to turn the potlines to zombie hit counters?
Zane Paxton12-May-2007 07:41
LOL
Mary (Montalvo) Feryan14-Oct-2006 22:58
Very interesting! Thanks for the info.
Waqas Usman01-Oct-2006 03:44
ROTFLMAO!!!
I just found this photo from John H's thread mentioned below.
John Hastings20-Sep-2006 11:04
GMV - PBase needs more humour like this. I’ve referenced this image
from:http://forum.pbase.com/viewtopic.php?t=23962&start=15

I hope you don’t mind.

regards,

John H
BleuEvanescence17-Sep-2006 16:44
Ahhhh, technologies and progress of the human kind --- Unstoppable and almost limitless ;-). Merci pour l'info! Génial! // Claudia
Steve Ainsworth17-Aug-2006 04:13
Typical customer service ploy--giveth and then taketh away...
Dave Beedon17-Aug-2006 01:41
PRESS RELEASE 2:
Due to rampant counterfeiting of deli coupons during the past six months, the practice of awarding hits based on purchases at the deli has been discontinued. Existing coupons will not be redeemed. Management regrets having to take this extreme step. The prudent coupon-bearer will hold on to his or her Deli Dollars for a decade or so, at which time they will be extremely valuable as collectors' items.
Steve Ainsworth16-Aug-2006 17:56
Dave, how many hits will pbase give me if I buy something at their deli?
Dave Beedon02-Jul-2006 00:44
PRESS RELEASE:
This facility was recently down for a brief period, forcing the plant manager to suspend tours. The problem---still not completely understood---required an algebraic recirculation flush of the delineator. All available employees worked double shifts to get the logarithms re-aligned with the Base 2 Module. There was no loss of counting capability, as the back-up abacus kicked in to tally the hits. As of a few minutes ago, everything was back to normal and tours have resumed. Management regrets the inconvenience and will redeem the tour rain checks any time except on Thursdays.
Dan Chusid01-Jul-2006 18:37
I tried to schedule a tour for my group but the message
on the answering machine said due to heavy use, the facility
would be closed until the recirculating pumps could
be flushed out.
It's a pity, as we were really looking forward to the tour and
downing a few cold ones in the deli.
Even polished up our slide rules...
: (
Christina Conroy13-Jun-2006 05:11
Cute! funny! Laughing now!
Sheila25-May-2006 21:13
LOL! Very funny!
Dave Beedon05-May-2006 04:00
To those of you who have asked about the deli, your questions are answered on the FAQ page at www.whataboutthehitcounterdeli?.com.
bluewatermonk04-May-2006 06:13
So, ummm...does the deli have good corned beef sanwiches?!?!?
Enrique10-Apr-2006 06:19
Wow! And now they knew, and it was a good thing.
ArminB06-Apr-2006 14:42
LMAO :o)))
Guest 25-Mar-2006 20:35
I investigated... paulwalt : "NO SUCH USER". Anyway 5,000,000 is a ridiculous figure : Ken L has 20,000,000. Well... without my visits, he would only have, err... 15,000,000 ?
Guest 25-Mar-2006 20:26
It is the first time I find more pleasure in the text then in the photo. V - O - T - E - D
John Glines23-Mar-2006 18:33
Well, who knew! BTW, is the dill pickle that comes with the pastrami on rye kosher?
Dave Beedon26-Feb-2006 08:57
Actually, Mark, kids are not the problem, as they are only in the facility on Take Your Brat to Work Day. No, it's PBase employees who are to blame: when Big Calc is running smoothly, staffers have little to do and get bored. Some of them think that the best remedy for boredom is to play "hacky sack" with balls of discarded data. As will happen with unstructured play, the data balls occasionally bounce into places they don't belong, corrupting the calculation process. The plant manager has yet to find a workable solution to the problem.
Guest 24-Feb-2006 04:41
Hrm. So when Pump 9 goes down for a bit, causing back flow to overflow Station Q, that's why my hit counter takes a bit to update? Those darn kids, throwing pebbles in to gum up the works...
shatterbug23-Feb-2006 23:51
Lol! That's funny!
Guest 23-Feb-2006 07:55
Fun!
Johnny JAG22-Feb-2006 18:50
I did wonder, suspected they used a random number generator or the socks and shoes method, but now I know.
cajuca (Mark Chua)22-Feb-2006 09:51
sound interesting, u are a great here
Jarek M22-Feb-2006 07:21
Good one dave. It looks like they not only count hits at this facility, they also store them for reprocessing. It still has not been discovered what PBase reprocesses hits into, however some well informed sources have been quoted recently that the PBase extracts some small amount energy from each hit and dumps the waste product in the nearby hills.
PHOTOSTYLE.CA21-Feb-2006 05:34
hmmm. sure am impressed. got nuthin' so fancy up here in my neck of the wood.
Paul Walters19-Feb-2006 18:22
Haha! :) You have quite a sense of humor! I've got to schedule a visit to that site!!! Sounds quite interesting! I KNEW there had to be something phenomenal to count all my hits!!! lol I figured it was just a bunch of people with little pebbles that they would drop in a bucket each time someone clicked on an image in my gallery though (then of course count the pebbles every few days, which is why the hit counter doesn't update in real time).
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