....or the ties that bind

To be completely honest (but I suppose when wasn’t I?) (Oh yes, that’s right, on 13th July 2003….now that’s got you all wondering hasn’t it???!!!) Ha - I didn't even twig it was exactly three years ago today until I saw this! Where am I going with this drivel? Ah yes, that’s right. I’ve thought of only one subject today that’s not been an essential one that has helped me to do my job and function.

It’s another ‘pbase googlie’ – my Dad would be proud of me for that one – at least, he would if I’ve used the term googlie right – I THINK what I’ve described is a cricketing thing about a ball that’s going in a seemingly random direction…..but I’m sure I’ll be corrected a few dozen times if I’ve got my ropes crossed. I should just have said curve ball – I know what that means but for some reason I want to make my Dad happy tonight.

I’ve said before that many people have jumped out into the pbase light from the gloom of my past. Some, as I’ve reported, have been more welcome than others! I suppose that I should ‘be prepared’ for these things because of my pbase history but I still get caught off-guard. Yesterday, I had someone jump out who has come from so far back in my world that he’s come from a time before even my Dad was born and is, without doubt, VERY welcome. I’m not going to say any more for now because this is a highly sensitive subject and one where many of the ‘participants/players/victims’ are completely unaware of this.

So, what’s happened has made me think.

I’m sure my family would all regard me as just about the crappest family member going – I rarely remember birthdays, hardly ever see anyone and can often go for weeks without showing any sign that I care at all. I deserve these castigations and more, believe me because it’s true – I am rubbish.

BUT, despite my shortcomings, I do love them all and would go to the end of the earth for them, if you see what I mean. My folks both had difficult upbringings for very different reasons and they were determined to provide Jan and I with everything they could, which largely amounted to as much love as we could imagine. They both wanted us to have the ‘normal’ family life they didn’t get.

Anyway, I did get to thinking about the nature of families and this shot is of course completely contrived to demonstrate my point. I think that most people (me included) like to think of their family life as like the reef knot on the right of this shot. Nice, neat, firm and tidy. It struck me as however much I’d like my family life to be like this, it’s actually more like the granny knot on the left – messy, untidy but the ties are no less strong. Hey Dad – my Brownie knot training stuck…..how about that?

In fact, although it was an accident of fate, I kind of like the curvy exuberance of the one on the left, arms and legs akimbo rather than neat and tidy like the reef knot. It sort of looks like it’s dancing to me.

So much about being a part of a family is hard, like when we were all in a mess over my Nan and her problems with my uncle. But it’s equally true to say that so much of it’s rewarding and fun.

I have lots and lots of cousins. To be completely honest, I don’t know how many cousins I have scattered around the place. Both of my parents are from big families and their siblings are far-flung – I do know I have at least one cousin who has lived in the USA for many years and the rest are scattered around the UK like seeds. Of course many of them live in pockets around significant places, so I have lots of them in and around Canterbury, from where my Mum emanates, for example. I even have cousins with children that are adults too. I know I must seem like a crap rellie to all of them because I so rarely participate in ‘family stuff’.

Karen, my Auntie Jan’s oldest, I saw recently at my Nan’s bedside. The last time I saw more than one cousin in a go was at a barbie at my cousin Robert’s house where his siblings were there too. Last time I saw a large number of cousins in one go, it was at the same cousin Robert’s baby son’s funeral. That was just about the most harrowing thing you can imagine. I don’t know how he managed to carry his son’s tiny coffin up the aisle of that church and will never know, until the day I die how he found the inner reserves to do it. Before that it was Keith's wedding - weddings and funerals bring us all together as is, I suppose the case in many families.

One of my Mum’s sisters isn’t a full-sister, she’s a half-sister and she has two boys…..well, men now, who are my nearest-in-age cousins and Neil in particular is probably my closest as well in emotional terms. I suppose that technically he’s my half-cousin but nonetheless I’d say I’m closer to him than any other. Unlike many of my other cousins, I don’t feel he thinks I’m a crap rellie – I’m not sure why that never occurs to me with him but it’s true.

Sorry for the obtuse ramble, it’s been one of those days!

Last year, I was entering....and losing a competition!