Breaking the rules

OK, you know the rules here.
I never refer to my ex-wife by name.
I never post ANY pictures of her on this blog.
Go ahead and read every entry here.
I call her by name twice since I started this.
One of them was on the divorce day and all I said was goodbye.
I am going to break both of those rules today, just this once.

If you saw yesterdays entry, you saw the canisters of film.
As I said there, they were from our honeymoon trip.
I got them back from the developer today and looked them over.
The scans I got back are pretty low quality.
I am not sure if the grain is just because the film was so old.
They were fascinating to look at from a historical perspective.
I looked SO much different then, and so did Karen (snap rule #1).
I have now looked at them all, and I am glad I waited.
Everything happens in its own time for a reason.
Ok, on to the photo as told through the time warp:

This is my wife Karen feeding birds on top of the Rocky Mountains.
We happened upon this GREAT lookout while we were on our honeymoon tour.
If you hold something out the birds will fly up to you and take it.
Here she is holding a Ritz cracker out and the bird is snatching it.
We have only been married a little over a week and it is going ok.
Little do I know that we are only 24 hours away from our biggest fight.
It will be a really bad one that will really test our life together.
I don't know it yet but it will also play a little into our divorce.
It will actually hurt me for the next 8 years.
I will consider it a failing instead of just being human.
Of course I have no idea yet that being human is not acceptable to her.
Right now as I take this picture I am in love with her and that masks all.
I look at the woman I love and have no idea how much she will change.
Before my lens is a screwed up and unassuming woman.
An interesting combination of sweetness and salt.

Ok, out of the time warp Dave and back to reality.
If I had known the ramifications of the fight to come within 24 hours of the photo,
I would have just driven her to the airport right after I took this picture.
I REALLY wish I had driven her there during the fight.
Six and a half years later, she drove herself to the airport.
The best part of that is the I did not have to go back to Colorado last year.
You may not understand that last line but let me assure you it is a good thing.
Don't worry because it is not that big a deal to post this.
The divorce decree said anything in my possession is mine to treat as I will.
The picture was taken in a public place so I am free to post it.
She looked NOTHING like this when she left me last year.
There is no way to identify her.

I really just wanted to post this photo for a couple of reasons.
At some point in my past I loved this woman more than I can say.
Even with our problems it broke my heart when she left me.
My heart has since mended in ways I thought it never would.
I guess it wasn't all bad and it wasn't all good.
Like so many things in life this marriage fell somewhere in between.
I sometimes blog and brood about the things that I do not miss.
It is very rare I open up enough to say that I did love her back then.
I even did miss her for a while after she left me.
There were lots of things she said that broke me of that though.
So I go on, and I am sure out in the world she does as well.
I am sure we have both learned a great many lessons since then.
Actually I can't even say that as we have absolutely no contact.
All I can say is that I have learned a great many lessons.
Thus ends the entry in which I broke my two rules of this blog.
I don't think I am ever going to break them again.
It was actually hard to pick the one shot that I would post here.
I narrowed it down to 2 pictures that really spoke well to me.
This one and one portrait of her in a museum in Santa Fe.
Obviously I picked this one, mostly because the other one was for me.
The other is how I want to remember the girl I loved so well.
Not the demanding bitch I ended up married to at the end but the girl I loved.
I think that other one will stay just for me.
Ok, now this entry is done, let us not speak of it again.

Beep - Cleanup on isle 8. Someone just spilled his guts on isle 8, bring a bucket and a mop.